MESSAGES FOR MEN AT EACH STAGE OF LIFE

In As You Like It, Shakespeare writes of the seven ages of man. Perhaps because the famous lines are spoken by the melancholy Jacques, they’re not optimistic. Starting with “mewling and puking” in infancy, Shakespeare takes us through the aging process, from “whining” youth to the “round belly” of middle age, only to end with the “second childishness” of old age.

We were recently asked to offer a simple message to men at each stage of life. It’s a daunting task — not because of Shakespeare’s long shadow, but because there is so much to learn at every age and because the lessons learned at any age apply to them all. Even so, at the risk of oversimplification (and with apologies to Will), here is a message for every stage.

The first 10 years: Real men have feelings

At the dawn of humanity, boys were raised to be hunters; by Shakespeare’s time, they were also brought up to be warriors. The world has changed, but the masculine model is still the strong silent superhero. Nothing’s wrong with that, but boys should also learn to acknowledge their feelings, to respect the feelings of others, and to communicate emotions as well as facts.

Boys don’t read health information, but their fathers and grandfathers do, and they should serve as role models, teaching boys that feelings count, too.

The teens and 20s: Real men wear seat belts

Seat belts are only the tip of the iceberg, a symbol for the common sense and prudence that often elude adolescent males. Is it nature or nurture, testosterone and the Y chromosome, or role models and cultural norms?

Nobody knows, but the answer is not likely to be either/or, but both. It’s clear that men take risks, and risky or aggressive male behavior damages the health of both men and women. Accidents are the third leading cause of death in American men and the leading cause in men younger than 44. Simple cautions like seat belts and bike helmets can help. More complex measures involving alcohol, tobacco, drugs, firearms, and sex are also vital.

The 30s: No man is an island

It’s all too easy to get caught up in the challenge of building a career. Work is important, but young men shouldn’t let it displace family and friends. Instead, they should establish priorities and begin to build the social networks that can sustain them throughout life. For most men, that means putting family first, but young adulthood is also a good time to start making time for the hobbies and leisure activities that reduce stress and bring balance and fun to life.

The 40s: Obesity happens

It actually starts to happen early in life, but by middle age the average guy has indeed acquired the round belly that Shakespeare predicted: two of every three American men are overweight or obese.

Aesthetics aside, it’s a major health hazard. Excess body fat increases the risk of heart disease, hypertension, stroke, diabetes, arthritis, and cancer. If there were a quick fix, we’d all be thin. Diet schemes abound, but none can deliver what they promise (and charge for). But there is a slow fix: diet and exercise.

Real men eat vegetables, fruit, whole grains, and fish. Exercise counts, too. You don’t have to run a marathon to control your weight and improve your health, but you do have to walk for at least 30 minutes a day. Other forms of moderate exercise will do just as well, as long as you do it.

Continue reading: The 50s: Real men have doctors